


Beano Know. (In the Biblical Sense.)

by pleasekalemenow



Category: Mission to Zyxx (Podcast)
Genre: Asphyxiation, Autoerotic Asphyxiation, Choking, Crack, Crack Relationships, Crack Treated Seriously, For the zyxxcord, M/M, Oral Sex, Rough Oral Sex, The Author Regrets Everything, This is a joke fic i swear, someone had to do it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-08 06:54:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17976500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pleasekalemenow/pseuds/pleasekalemenow
Summary: Beano and Nermut! Nermut and Beano!When Beano catches Nermut masturbating on their shared heat rock, they cum to a mutually beneficial conclusion.-----"Beano wuv when you're down on your knees." He licked his lips. "Beano wuv it."





	Beano Know. (In the Biblical Sense.)

**Author's Note:**

> dear rod what have I done

The night started just like any other. Beano wanted to go to bed far earlier than the rest of the crew, as per usual (not that anyone else minded); he wanted to be told the story of Beano, as per usual; he went to sleep on Nermut’s heat rock. As per usual.

The crew hung out a few more hours, just shooting the shit. When he got tired, Nermut went through his nightly routine--brush his feathers, change into PJs, stretch, yawn, rub his back against the rock a bit, get real comfy, reach his hand down his trousers...jerk it a little bit before bed…

Nermut hummed softly to himself, trying to be as quiet as he could so as not to disturb the sleeping bean beside him. As usual, though, he found it hard to control his breathing enough to remain inconspicuous, so he raised a clawed hand to his throat and choked himself lightly, as if this wasn’t just part of the routine at this point. Eyes closed, one hand around his throat, the other hand around his dick.

What was  _ not _ part of the routine was the voice he heard beside him...or the way that it sent a shiver down his spine.

“Beano know…”

Nermut bolted straight up, his hands bolting to his sides as if that could erase what Beano already  _ know _ . “B-Beano? Sorry, I, I, I didn’t realize you were still awake…”

Beano was faced away from him, so his voice was slightly muffled, but Nermut thought he heard him giggle. “Beano know.”

“I...um...how long have you been awake?” Nermut fidgeted, trying to discreetly tuck away what was still a raging hard-on.

“Beano been awake this whole time.” Another giggle. “Beano been awake  _ every  _ time.”

It was as if a bucket of icy water had just been dumped down Nermut’s back. “... _ Every _ time?” When the legume didn’t respond, he stammered, “Rod, Beano, I, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have tried to do that with you right next to me, that was  _ wildly _ inappropriate of me--”

“Beano okay with it. Beano think Beano maybe tell the rest of the crew about it.”

“Maybe  _ what _ ?!”

“Beano wuv drama.”

Nermut’s heart was pounding out of his chest. “Oh, Rod, please don’t tell them, I, I’d be so mortified.”

“Beano no?” Nermut wasn’t prepared for what he’d see when the bean turned around to face him: a massive, swollen dick between his legs and an absolutely  _ sinful _ expression on his face. _ Beano say hello, indeed. _

“Beano, whoa…” Nermut’s cock pulsed a bit between his legs despite himself.

Beano chuckled, his voice deeper than Nermut had ever heard it before. “Beano wuv reaching a mutually beneficial compromise.”

Realizing what he was implying, Nermut felt heat rise up behind his scales. “Beano, we can’t–”

“Beano think you  _ wuv _ jerking off next to Beano.” Beano smirked. “Beano think you get off on it.”

“I…” Thinking back on it, Nermut couldn’t quite bring himself to deny it; the first time he’d dared to masturbate next to Beano had been the quickest he’d ever finished. Even with Dar.

“Beano know you love to be quiet. Beano know you wuv to choke yourself.”

Unable to form a proper defense, Nermut merely asked, “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

Beano stood up and gestured to his rock-hard penis. “Beano know how to take care of Beano, too.”

“You...you got off on it, too?”

Beano merely nodded. “Beano think we can come to an agreement.” He winked one spiralized eye.

Nermut found himself staring at the mighty beanis in front of him, the beads forming on the tip making him salivate. “I...I think we can, too.”

Beano took a fistful of Nermut’s feathers, pulling him to his knees. “Does Beano have consent?”

Nermut nodded slowly, deliberately, never breaking eye contact with Beano’s dick.

“Nermut wanna be choked?” Beano giggled as he forced his throbbing member down his throat. “Beano know how to help him.”

Nermut could only moan in pleasure around the cock that was already picking up speed, fucking his throat so hard he could only catch short breaths. His moans were echoed by the bean, who was pulling his feathers so hard Nermut half feared they’d up and molt.

“Beano wuv it when you’re down on your knees.” He licked his lips. “Beano  _ wuv _ it.”

As Nermut’s throat was being utterly used by the Artifact, his own dick was desperate for attention. He fumbled with his pants, pulling out his cock and jerking it furiously. His eyes watered from the abuse.

“Beano know you wuv getting your brains jucked out,” he said between huffs. 

Nermut grunted in the affirmative. His vision was starting to get a little blurry, and he knew he couldn’t last much longer--the asphyxiation making it harder for him to edge himself. With some concentration, he was able to work out his long tongue from around the cock destroying his throat to lick Beano’s balls, and that’s all it took.

“Beano cumming!”

And Beano was cumming, indeed. As Nermut was pumping vinegar strokes, Beano shot rope after rope deep down Nermut’s throat. The feeling of hot bean juice running down his throat triggered Nermut to explode all over Beano’s leg and the heat rock below them.

Once Beano was done, Nermut pulled his mouth away with an audible  _ pop _ , desperate and gasping for air now that he’d found his release. The pair essentially fell on their backs, staring side-by-side at the ceiling as they panted in unison.

“Beano not done that in a while.”

“Me, neither...wait, when have you done this before, Beano?”

The Bean merely smiled. “Beano know.”

**Author's Note:**

> to quote a friend: "He really jacked his beanstalk huh"


End file.
